so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
