so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
