i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
