I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
