We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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