you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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