She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
