Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
