Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
