If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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