is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
