My hand turned me down
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
