dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
