erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
