if only i could text you this smell
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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