with your own penis?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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