and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
