she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
