I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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