Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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