My sheets look like a crime scene.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
