i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
