they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I didn't notice because vodka
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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