My hair reeks of homosexuality.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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