all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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