You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
