Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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