You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
