In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
me + whiskey = a bad person
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
