I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
