the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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