Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
