Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
