I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I can't turn off my feet"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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