i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
