I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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