first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
