I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
