PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Hippo gnu deer
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
