dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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