Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
