Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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