I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
