capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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