i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
