just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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