grandma shit on top of the toilet
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
