did you get engaged???
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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