After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
