wanna go halves on a baby?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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