I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
