Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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