I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Im part way to drunk.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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