i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
