You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
