You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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