Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
