my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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