When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
